Title: Life is a soap opera (3/3)
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Steve Finnan, Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres, mentions of Fernando Torres/Steven Gerrard, Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Summary: Daniel tries to forget what happened but forgetting things like that isn’t an easy thing and Daniel soon gets to know that.
Disclaimer: As fake as Nando’s front teeth xD.
A/N: So, that's it. Last part. And I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that... *sighs* I'm not really content with it, so it's the same as ever. I'm never content with my fics... xD
A/N: So, that's it. Last part. And I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that... *sighs* I'm not really content with it, so it's the same as ever. I'm never content with my fics... xD
I’m sitting in the gym and stare blankly into space, instead of doing the exercises I’m supposed to do. I just can’t see the point in doing these stupid exercises at the moment, it’s not as if they’ve helped me and that stupid metatarsal the slightest. I haven’t been on a football pitch for ages and sometimes, I’m not sure if I ever will be able to play football again. That thought really is depressing, but I really try to look at the positive side of this whole situation I’m in. For one, I finally have the time to completely tidy up my flat and I don’t have to see Nando and Steve all the time. Perhaps it’s actually not that bad to be injured... It has about the same effect as staying in my flat for the rest of my life and not coming out. And actually, I rarely leave it when it’s not absolutely necessary and ignore every single call. Xabi, Steve, Stevie... Even Carra tried to call me and failed. But if I ever find out, who told Carra about this whole mess...
The only one who hasn’t tried to talk to me is Fernando and I must say, that this is probably the wisest decision he ever made. I really don’t know how I would react if he tried to talk to me, really. I mean, our last conversation didn’t actually go well. He yelled at me, I yelled at him, we were mad at each other. Not really the best condition for another conversation...
I hear the door being opened but I don’t even bother to look up. Whoever it is, I don’t want to talk to him, I’m quite happy with being depressed at the moment. And it’s most likely just someone who wants to tell me that I won’t be able to play for another felt eternity.
“Shouldn’t you be doing exercises?”, the someone asks and I almost fall off the chair I’m sitting on.
“And shouldn’t you be fucking someone, Fernando?”, I retort coolly and I’m seriously surprised by myself. When did I get my repartee back? I rock!
“Do you always have to bring that up again, Daniel?”, Fernando, Fernando, asks and I can’t really believe that he’s here, saying that. He shouldn’t be here, he hasn’t talked to me for days! So why is he suddenly here just when I was happily pretending that nothing happened? He is so evil! I bet he knew that and decided to rub salt into my wounds so that I just can’t get too happy... Yes, I am paranoid.
“Yes, I have.”, I answer and I want to dance around and hug everything and everyone because I finally, finally am able to say intelligent and sensible things again. Yes!
“Come on, Daniel, I just want to apologise!”
He? He wants to apologise? Okay, who is that and what has he done to Fernando? “You’ve had your chances, Fernando. But you chose to act as if everything was my fault, remember?”
Nando remains silent for a few minutes and looks bashfully at the ground. Then he says: “I really screwed it up, no?”
I can’t help but laugh at his words. Oh my... It must’ve taken him ages to find that out... “Yeah, quite literally.”
“Huh?”, he asks confused and I realize that he doesn’t know about the ambiguity of his words. I roll my eyes and mutter: “Forget it, it’s not important...” Fernando still looks at me with wide and confused eyes and he looks so damn sexy... Really, I would like to fuck him here and now but I know I can’t and that really kills me. I might not be in love with him, but that doesn’t mean I’m nothing loath to fuck him... He is so fucking hot... I groan inwardly and feel the very urgent need for some really cold water.
“I’m sorry, Daniel. I know I can’t make things unhappen or better by a simple apology but... I at least want you to know that I regret what I did. I can’t believe that I risked everything we had for a One Night Stand with Stevie... I was so stupid... But now it’s too late for regrets, no?”, Nando smiles ruefully and I get up and want to hug him because he looks so sad and lost and I hate it to see him like that. Oh my... It will take me ages to finally get over him... Well, instead of fucking him or hugging him or whatever I want to do next, I just say: “Yeah, it is too late. You know, I really liked you, but...”
“I know...”, Fernando sighs, “I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I just hope that you’ll find someone else who treats you better than I did, Danny.”
“Could you... could you please stop calling me ‘Danny’?”, I know I perhaps should have said something else, something encouraging like ‘Don’t worry about that, Nando.’ or ‘You are not that bad.’ But the Danny thing is just more important to me right now. I mean, it can’t be that hard to remember, that I don’t like being called like that, can it?
“Why?”, Fernando again is confused and I even feel a bit sorry for him, “Finns calls you like that too.”
“Yeah. He is allowed to do that. He and no-one else.”, I reply defiant and cross my arms.
“Oh.”, Fernando says and I think he should really kick his english teacher’s ass. That guy can’t be good when he only teaches Nando words like this... “You really like him, don’t you?”
“Of course I like him, he’s one of my best friends!”
“I think you like him more than that.”
I snort. “And what gives you that idea?”
“Well, he is the only one who is allowed to call you Danny.”
“And that’s everything? Just because I let him call me this, that doesn’t mean I’m in love with him!” I really am annoyed by now and I can’t understand why I wanted to fuck him senseless only a few minutes ago. He really knows how to wind me up...
“You also slept with him.”, Fernando answers and I can’t believe that he actually sounds a bit triumphantly. “And you don’t sleep with someone you just like as a friend, do you Daniel?”
“Oh, shut up!”, I growl and when he laughs, it reminds me a bit of the time when we still were happy together.
“Come on, Daniel! Just admit it, you are in love with him!”
“No I’m not!”
“Daniel and Steve are sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-“
“NANDO!”, I interrupt his singing and my cheeks are burning with embarrassment. Where the hell did he learn that?”
“I’m just telling the truth!”, Nando defends himself, “You love Finns.”
“I... No... Yes... I don’t know.”, I admit and he smiles at me before he pinches my cheek. I yelp and glare at him. “What was that for?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. You just looked so cute and... pinchable.”
“Pinchable?”, I laugh out loud now, “Is that even a word?”
“Where should I know that from?”, he laughs with me but then he suddenly turns serious again. “You know, Daniel, you should talk to Finns. You might not be really sure about your feelings, but I know that you’re in love with him. I can see it. And Daniel?”
“Do you... do you think we can be friends again? I... I miss you. As a friend.”
I hesitate for a moment but then I nod and can’t hide a small smile. “Yes, I think so.”
Fernando smiles shyly at me and it’s exactly the same smile I once fell in love with. I gulp and try to surpress the tears that are welling up my eyes. Nando leans in and gives me a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Good luck, Daniel.”, he whispers and suddenly kisses me on my lips.
I want to push him away and end this stupid kiss, but... instead I find myself kissing him back like I used to do. And when we finally end the kiss, I can’t believe, that he just kissed me. And that I kissed him back! Damn idiot. And the sad thing is that I’m not even sure if I’m talking about him or myself...
“So, you and Fernando are back together?” I freeze to the spot when I hear that disappointed voice. Steve. Fuck.
“Finns!”, I exclaim shocked. I didn’t expect that he would appear here, I really didn’t expect that. Damn. Why did he have to come in exactly when I was kissing Fernando? And why did I have to kiss Fernando? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “It’s not what it looks like!”, I try to explain and notice my mistake in the same second. ‘It’s not what it looks like.’... Probably the worst thing I could’ve said. I’ve complained about this stupid sentence so much in the last weeks and now... I’m using it myself. Oh god... But in my defence I have to say that it’s really not what it looks like! So why do I have the stupid feeling that Finns won’t believe that?
Finns laughs humourless. “Do you really think I’m stupid enough to believe that?” Oh. Yeah. That was it. No-one would believe something like that. Shit.
“Steve, please!”, I beg desperately. He has to listen to me, he simply has to. “Listen, I... I can explain that! Really! Please, just let me...”
“No.”, Steve interrupts me, “You don’t have to explain anything, Daniel. It... it’s okay. You and Fernando... I... As long as you’re happy...”, Finns stops, shakes his head and storms out of the room.
“Steve! Wait!”, I yell after him but it’s already too late. Finns is gone and he won’t come back. I really fucked it up. I look at Fernando, who stares shocked at me, and feel like crying.
“Oh god, Daniel! I’m so sorry!”, he really seems to be worried and I feel bad immediately. Because I really thought for a moment, that perhaps he knew that Steve would come here and kissed me because of that. God, I am an arsehole!
“It’s not your fault, Nando.”, I finally say, still on the verge of crying, “Well, at least not completely. If I hadn’t kissed you back...”
“Yeah, speaking of that... Why did you kiss me back?”
I stare at him and blush. Good question. Damn good question. Why did I do that? I mean, I don’t love him! I really don’t. “Force of habit, I guess. But why did you kiss me?”
Fernando shrugs. “Force of habit.”
I can’t help but laugh. This is something I always loved so much about Nando. His ability to make me laugh in every situation.
“Go after him, Daniel. You have to talk to him and make things right. He loves you. He will forgive you.” I suddenly remember what Xabi said to me a few days ago. ‘If you really love someone, you forgive him almost everything.’ Must be a spanish thing... God, I so hope they are right...
I can’t resist the urge and hug him as if my life depends on it. “Thanks, Fernando.”, I whisper, “I hope you’ll soon find someone else, you deserve it. But don’t screw it up again.”
He laughs and shoves me towards the door. “Go, Daniel!”, he exclaims and that’s exactly what I do. I go to Finns and fix my life.
It’s now almost a week later and I still haven’t talked to him. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t! Not when he isn’t answering his phone nor opening his door. I tried to talk to him while he was training but he acted as if I wasn’t there and that’s really frustrating. Now I know just how annoying it must’ve been for all the others when I locked myself in my flat and didn’t talk to anyone...
Okay, now the question is: How do I get Finns to talk to me? Honestly, I haven’t got a clue, but I have to talk to him and... argh! That’s just frustrating and depressing and annoying and just... stupid! Why does he have to be so childish and doesn’t listen to me? I could explain to him that there’s nothing going on between me and Fernando, that we’re only friends now and that I like him. But when did my life ever go the way I wanted it to? I mean, Finns coming into the room just when I was kissing my ex is just so typical of soap operas, it’s almost funny. I could really laugh about all this if it wasn’t so damn serious. But then, suddenly, it strikes me. I know how to get him to talk to me! Oh yes, I so rock!
I grab my mobile and dial quickly. I can’t wait to get started with my absolutely brilliant plan.
“Gerrard at Alonso’s.” Oooooooookay... I really didn’t expect that voice to answer my call. God, I really miss nothing out these days...
“S-Stevie?”, I stutter, not really knowing what to say, “Since when do you answer Xabi’s phone? Isn’t that a tad obvious?”
“Who is that?” I can practically see him frowning and close my eyes. I haven’t talked to Stevie since I caught him and Fernando and I was perfectly happy with that.
“It’s... it’s me. Daniel.”
“Daniel?”, Stevie pauses, then: “Oh, it’s you.” He really sounds dead nervous now and I can totally understand that. Wow, I can understand the incredible, cheatin Captain Fantastic. Now that’s a really discouraging thought...
“Yeah, it’s me...” God, that’s so awkward... “Is... is Xabi there?”
“No, um, I mean yes, I mean... He’s in the bathroom, I don’t know when he’ll come out of there, it sometimes takes him ages.” Stevie laughs nervously, “Do you... do you want me to relay a message to him?”
“No, I’d prefer to talk to him, thank you Stevie. I’ll just call again later, okay?”
“Wait, Daniel.”, he says much to my surprise, “I’m sure, it won’t take Xabi much longer, he’s already in there for about ten minutes. You can just wait. Only if you want to, of course.”
“Oh, okay...”, I reply and that’s the last thing that is said between us for a while. Oh god, that really is too strange.
“I’m sorry, Daniel.”, Stevie suddenly says and I’m too shocked and surprised to answer at first.
“You know, Stevie.”, I then reply after I fully realized what he just said, “You shouldn’t apologise to me, you should apologise to Xabi. Well... perhaps you should apologise to me, seeing as it was my boyfriend you slept with... But I guess Xabi, your boyfriend, is more important.”
“I did apologise to him. Over and over again. But I still feel, it’s not enough.”, Stevie says and really, if I were with him right now, I’d punch him in the face. Of course it’s not enough! Does he really think a simple apology could make all the pain and disappointment of being cheated on go away? He really is about as sensitive as a teaspoon...
“You don’t deserve him.”, saying something like that may be a bit cruel but it’s the tuth. Xabi is far too nice and good for him.
“I know...”, I have never heard Steven Gerrard so sad and heartbroken before and I regret it a bit that I said such a thing. Perhaps it was a bit too harsh... “And I’m afraid to lose him.”
“Stevie, I don’t like to say that, cause I really think you don’t deserve that, but Xabi... He told me, that he loves you enough to forgive you and if he’s able to forgive you something like that and still be with you, you won’t lose him.”
“He really said that?”
“Yes, Stevie, he did.”, I answer annoyed. I can’t believe that I’m having this conversation with Steven George Gerrard MBE, captain of Liverpool Football Club... I suddenly hear another voice over the phone and thank every god and godess I can think of for that. “Stevie, is that Xabi?”
“Yeah, yeah it’s him... Wait a second, I’ll get him on the phone.”
I hear some more talking and then Xabi’s voice over the phone. “Daniel? Hey! Is everything okay?”
“No, not really...”
“Well, I talked to Fernando.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“WHAT?” Xabi knew it? Why did he know it and didn’t warn me?
“I adviced him to talk to you.”
“Oh really, you did. And did you also advice him to kiss me?”
“WHAT? Tell me, that this is a joke. He didn’t really do that, did he?” I can hear that Xabi is extremely shocked and probably is right now considering to strangle Fernando and I somehow think that perhaps I should’ve told him that in a different way. This way, it sound perhaps a bit too dramatic...
“Well, we were talking and decided to try and just be friends and then he said ‘Good luck’ and kissed me. I kissed him back and BAM! Finns was there.”
“Dios mio...”, Xabi mutters, “But why the hell did you do that?”
“I have not a clue, Xabi. It just happened and I need your help now. I need Finns to talk to me again, I mean, I have to explain to him, that me and Nando aren’t back together, no?”
“Okay.”, Xabi sighs, “What do you want me to do?”
Two days later I’m standing in front of Xabi’s door and chew nervously on my bottom lip while I’m waiting for the door being opened. I’m suddenly not so sure anymore, that my plan really is as brilliant as I thought and the thought of just leaving and continuing with pretending that nothing happened becomes more and more alluring with every second I’m standing here. But just when I’m about to do exactly that, Xabi opens the door.
“Daniel!”, he says, “Finally! I almost feared that you wouldn’t turn up.”
I force myself to laugh a bit. “Why should I do that?” He looks at me and I could bet that he knows exactly that I thought about that only a minute ago.
“Oh come on, Daniel! It’s okay to be nervous. Now come in, he’s in the living room.” Xabi still doesn’t seem to trust me to really stay because he grabs my wrist and drags me towards his living room. Damn. Say ‘Goodbye’ to all your chances to flee, Daniel...
“Steve!”, Xabi says cheerfully as soon as we enter the room and Steve looks up, “Look who’s here.”, the Spaniard continues and I can see how Finns’ expression changes from slightly confused to extremely shocked when he sees me.
“Daniel...”, he whispers disbelieving and I gulp while Xabi is still smiling widely.
“So, I’m leaving you two alone now. I’ll be over at Stevie’s if you need something.”
“Xabi!”, Steve protests helplessly but Xabi just looks at him and says: “I’m sorry Steve, it’s for the best.”, Xabi disappears for a short moment before he comes back, now wearing his jacket and holding his car key in his hand. “Okay, have fun you two.”, he says, “Oh, and no sex in my apartment, got that?” A second later, Steve and I are alone. Yippee.
“Hey.”, I say nervously but I don’t get an answer, Finns just crosses arms and stares angrily at me. I hate it when he does that! “Finns, please, talk to me!”, I beg but he still says nothing and that really, really drives me crazy. “Are you never going to talk to me again, or what?” Steve remains silent and I throw my hands up in defeat. “Okay, fine! If you don’t want to talk to me, then I don’t want to talk to you either! I don’t care if you think Nando and I are back together again! Just think what you want! I thought I liked you, Steve, I really thought that, but now... I don’t want to like you anymore! Just... go to hell, Steve Finnan!”
I want to storm out of the room and I really want Steve to rot in hell right now. God, he’s such an idiot! And I felt guilty! I can’t believe that! God, how stupid was I? But then I hear his voice. “You like me?” He sounds so unsure and so, so incredibly sexy... But I certainly won’t give in so easily. I wanted to apology, but he didn’t let me. So it’s his turn now to do so, and his apology better be good!
“No.”, I answer angrily, “I liked you. Liked. That’s Simple Past, you know? Why am I even wasting my time with you? Perhaps Nando takes me back...”
“You... I thought... You aren’t already back together?”
“That’s what I was trying to tell you the whole time! But you were a damn pigheaded idiot and didn’t listen to me!”
“But... but the kiss!”
“That was nothing! And you would already know that if you had answered your damn phone once! Nando and I aren’t... Oh, forget it! You obviously don’t want to know it! Fuck you, Steve, fuck you!”
I turn around and feel like crying. Why can’t things go as planned just once? Why can’t I finally be happy? I don’t ask too much when I simply want to have a less crappy life, do I? That’s so unfair...
But then Steve grabs my wrist, turns me around and the next thing I feel are his lips on mine. My eyes widen in shock and I don’t know what to do. Oh. God. Steve is kissing me. Me. And god, it feels so good. “I’m so sorry, Danny.”, he whispers and kisses me again, “I was so stupid.”, another kiss, “So, so stupid. I could understand if you never wanted to see me again but”, one more kiss, “God, I love you, Danny. So, so much.”
“Steve...”, I moan, “I really like you and there never really was the possibility of me not forgiving you, but...”
“But what?”, he asks and he sounds so heartbroken and afraid, I want to hug him and never let go of him again. But I just can’t do that.
“But I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship. Not yet at least. I’m sorry, I just think it’s too early for that, I don’t want to rush things. I mean, just look at what happened to me and Nando. We did rush things and then he cheated on me... I don’t want to have to go through all this again. I really am sorry, Steve.”, I chew on my lip and don’t dare to look at Steve. I don’t want to lose him, I just like him too much and I really would love to be with him. Someday. Not yet. I want to take things slow. I don’t know where this realization comes from, that I’m not ready for a new relationship, but I know it’s the right decision. I can feel it, it’s just too early. I’m not ready for all the things a relationship implies. Spending all my time with him, making compromises and all that. God, I’m such an egoistical arsehole...
But Finns just looks at me for a few seconds, something he apparently really likes to do, seeing as how often he does that, then he speaks again. “Well then, if you want to take things slow... Daniel Agger, will you go out with me?”
I smile at him, completely taken by surprise. I hadn’t expected such a reaction and suddenly have butterflies in my stomach. And I already know what my answer will be.
My life may be a soap opera, but even in a soap, a character can sometimes live happily ever after. And I’m planning on doing exactly that.
Current Mood: crushed